Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
