He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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