your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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