the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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