Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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