She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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