u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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