so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
