your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm eating all of the evidence.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
