I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
