Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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