I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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