i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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