i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
