This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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