Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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