I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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