i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize