I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
