sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
