wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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