what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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