Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
someone owes me an orgasm
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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