my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i now understand why vodka
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
