well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
