my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
