Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
