You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
