STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize