I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
