totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
