OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
