btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
