Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
