I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
