had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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