So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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