Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
