i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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