why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
