so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
