wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
