Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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