Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
