i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
