I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
