I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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