Do you still have your period?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
