Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
