i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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