Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
