ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
