I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
