so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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