so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
