I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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