What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So many bounce houses so little time
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
