Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
