The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
