you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
