drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
