So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
