VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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