How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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