Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
