a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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