Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
