You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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