better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
